Today I got some rather disappointing news. All spring break I had been excited to start this acting class I had signed up for. Some of the older theater majors at school needed some actors for a directing class they are taking, so I decided to give it a shot. I memorized a monologue, auditioned in front of about 15 directors, and I got cast! I love the stage, but being me, I was really nervous to audition. I didn't exactly have the best time with directors in high school; I knew I could act, but I never got a lot of positive reinforcement from my directors. Everywhere I turned, someone was telling me I just wasn't good enough.
Finally, by my senior year, I decided that I didn't need their blessing to know I was good enough. So I pretended I didn't care. But the truth is, I was still acting. Of course I wanted them to care. Of course I wanted them to believe I was good. I never got that satisfaction, but I thought that maybe, because Krystal, a junior musical theater major, had chosen me to be in her scene, that I was good enough. And I would show myself and my directors back home that I can amount to something in acting. That I am good enough.
Then Krystal got a part in the international tour of Dream Girls last Monday (I mean wow. Just wow. That is so incredible I can't even. Wow.). It's such an amazing opportunity for her, and I am so happy she got the part. But I didn't realize that she would be on a leave of absence the rest of the year, and as the email informed me she would not be able to direct our scene (obviously).
At first I just shrugged it off. Eh, whatever. Shit happens right? But then I started thinking, and all these feelings from the last few years began to bubble to the surface. Things I haven't felt since I looked at the Fame cast list and found my name in the chorus. Then, embarrassingly, the tears came. Totally unheeded. Those tears welled up and I felt a deep, incredible sadness overwhelm me.
Because I want to act. I didn't realize until now, but it's honestly killing me. I have no acting outlet, less frequent opportunities to get myself out there than I did in high school. And I look at my best friend, who is friends with all the drama kids at her school, and they put on funny plays and she's the stage manager and they break into the theater at night to play scenes from a hat and why can't I have friends like that and have drama friends that don't just party and smoke weed I mean is that really too much to ask???
Sorry. I'm so frustrated because I thought this was my chance. If I believed in signs, I was sure this was one, telling me to go for it, follow this dream no matter how crazy it appeared because it's something I love. And you don't give up on something you love.
So dear readers, I'm not giving up on this. There's no way in hell I'm giving up. Because did I give up after four years? No. I'm still upset, and I might be for a few days. I was really looking forward to this. But I'm not going to throw in the towel after all this time. By casting me, Krystal told me she believed in me. It's time for me to start believing in me too.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Birthday Weekend
Happy Birthday to me!
I turned 19 on Sunday. Last year of having "teen" in my age. God that's scary; next year I'll be twenty. Twenty. I don't feel that old.....I mean, I still laugh when people say "fart" for chrissakes!! But I definitely ain't a kid any more, and that frightening thought is making itself more and more prevalent in life as the days go by.
Enough of that depressing shit. The real reason I'm writing is to tell you all what a kick-ass weekend I had, and also to put it down in words so I'll always remember it.
On Friday my two friends from BG came to visit. When they got here we chatted for an hour or two and we gave them a tour of the campus. They met Ivanna and loved her, which was awesome. I'm glad my college friends and high school friends can get along. Then we went to Mimi's Cafe and had dinner while Sara was with her family. Then we came back and went to the game night at the library. The boys were quite pleasant; Charlie patiently reminded me how to play Texas Hold 'Em and made a good dealer. I ended up winning the whole pot in the end after losing the entire time. Vegas here I come!!
Only joking. I have terrible luck.
After that we girls decided to play a game of Apples to Apples, which was absolutely hilarious. Then they all surprised me with an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen (Rachel had accidentally ruined the surprise earlier, which was also a hilarious slip-up worthy of America's Funniest Home Videos, but I pretended to be surprised anyway). And let me tell you, that cake was absolutely delicious.
The next morning we all woke up and went to brunch. The Rachels got to experience our "gourmet" school food, and I sucked down some coffee to keep me awake for the remainder of the day. Everybody gave me gifts after that; The Rachels, Kate and Sara got me two shirts from Marshal's, a bag of caramel corn, and a poster. Rachel also brought my best friend's gift down with her, since she couldn't come celebrate with us. Mary Kate got me a grow-your-own-frog-prince and quotation mark earrings (which I fangirl squealed over). Her parents got me perfume from Victoria's Secret. My friends are seriously the greatest :)
It gets better. Saturday night, after the Rachels left, my college friends and I dressed classy and went to Olive Garden to have dinner. We had to wait a little bit to get a table, but it was soooooooo worth it. My God, those breadsticks. I'm still drooling. Then, because I'm actually turning five, we went to McDonald's and got shamrock shakes for dessert. If you've never had a shamrock shake, go to McDonald's and get one right now. Seriously. That shit is fucking delicious.
When we got back, I whooped Chris's ass at Just Dance. (Let me make this clear--I usually don't brag about my Just Dance skills. But Chris was talking smack and was convinced he could beat me every time. Final overall score: Me-6, Chris-1. Owned.)
On Sunday, my actual birthday, we were all so dead we didn't really do anything. However, Sara and I got coffee at Java Central to wake us up, and then we ended up taking a long-ass walk all the way to Africa!
Road, that is. There must have been something in that coffee.......
All in all, it has been one fantastic birthday weekend. I was kind of sad my family couldn't come down to celebrate, but I told them I didn't mind since I'd be home in five days for spring break. This way, I get to stretch my birthday celebration to two weekends instead of one. Yay for more food!
Anyway, time to get Sara into Whose Line. I love dragging people into my obsessions. I feel so evil......hehehehehe........
Two more days until spring break. I can do this. Allons-y!
I turned 19 on Sunday. Last year of having "teen" in my age. God that's scary; next year I'll be twenty. Twenty. I don't feel that old.....I mean, I still laugh when people say "fart" for chrissakes!! But I definitely ain't a kid any more, and that frightening thought is making itself more and more prevalent in life as the days go by.
Enough of that depressing shit. The real reason I'm writing is to tell you all what a kick-ass weekend I had, and also to put it down in words so I'll always remember it.
On Friday my two friends from BG came to visit. When they got here we chatted for an hour or two and we gave them a tour of the campus. They met Ivanna and loved her, which was awesome. I'm glad my college friends and high school friends can get along. Then we went to Mimi's Cafe and had dinner while Sara was with her family. Then we came back and went to the game night at the library. The boys were quite pleasant; Charlie patiently reminded me how to play Texas Hold 'Em and made a good dealer. I ended up winning the whole pot in the end after losing the entire time. Vegas here I come!!
Only joking. I have terrible luck.
After that we girls decided to play a game of Apples to Apples, which was absolutely hilarious. Then they all surprised me with an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen (Rachel had accidentally ruined the surprise earlier, which was also a hilarious slip-up worthy of America's Funniest Home Videos, but I pretended to be surprised anyway). And let me tell you, that cake was absolutely delicious.
The next morning we all woke up and went to brunch. The Rachels got to experience our "gourmet" school food, and I sucked down some coffee to keep me awake for the remainder of the day. Everybody gave me gifts after that; The Rachels, Kate and Sara got me two shirts from Marshal's, a bag of caramel corn, and a poster. Rachel also brought my best friend's gift down with her, since she couldn't come celebrate with us. Mary Kate got me a grow-your-own-frog-prince and quotation mark earrings (which I fangirl squealed over). Her parents got me perfume from Victoria's Secret. My friends are seriously the greatest :)
It gets better. Saturday night, after the Rachels left, my college friends and I dressed classy and went to Olive Garden to have dinner. We had to wait a little bit to get a table, but it was soooooooo worth it. My God, those breadsticks. I'm still drooling. Then, because I'm actually turning five, we went to McDonald's and got shamrock shakes for dessert. If you've never had a shamrock shake, go to McDonald's and get one right now. Seriously. That shit is fucking delicious.
When we got back, I whooped Chris's ass at Just Dance. (Let me make this clear--I usually don't brag about my Just Dance skills. But Chris was talking smack and was convinced he could beat me every time. Final overall score: Me-6, Chris-1. Owned.)
On Sunday, my actual birthday, we were all so dead we didn't really do anything. However, Sara and I got coffee at Java Central to wake us up, and then we ended up taking a long-ass walk all the way to Africa!
Road, that is. There must have been something in that coffee.......
All in all, it has been one fantastic birthday weekend. I was kind of sad my family couldn't come down to celebrate, but I told them I didn't mind since I'd be home in five days for spring break. This way, I get to stretch my birthday celebration to two weekends instead of one. Yay for more food!
Anyway, time to get Sara into Whose Line. I love dragging people into my obsessions. I feel so evil......hehehehehe........
Two more days until spring break. I can do this. Allons-y!
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Midterms Week
When I say "Midterms Week," I mean "let's not study for that test and watch episodes of Doctor Who, Downton Abbey and Whose Line is it Anyway? instead" week. I sure can put the pro in procrastination.
This past week has been the shit. And I mean the good kind of shit. Muse was AMAZING. Seriously, one of the best concerts I've ever seen in my life. It's gonna take a lot to top their performance. Not only are they amazing musicians, but their show is an absolute spectacle. The lights and set fit the songs perfectly; you could tell that a lot of thought was put into this show and that they tried to add as much to the music as possible. And boy, did it work. It also helped that they played all my favorite old songs. When I heard the first chords of "Knights of Cydonia," I melted into a puddle on the floor. I could also totally see Matt Bellamy's face the WHOLE TIME since I was sitting close enough to the stage, and I died pretty much every time he sang falsetto or began wailing on his guitar. Oh my god.
Anyway, since I'm already not studying, I have some exciting news. Are you sitting down? Do you have a paper bag in case of hyperventilation? Okay. So the day after I saw Muse, one of my favorite comedians, a hilarious Canuk by the name of Colin Mochrie, tweeted something that almost sent the world spinning off it's axis.
WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY IS COMING BACK. I REPEAT, ONE OF THE GEATEST SHOWS OF ALL TIME IS COMING BACK.
In case you weren't alive in the 90's or have no idea what I'm talking about, go on Youtube and look up an episode. I promise you won't be disappointed. It's probably one of the funniest shows I've ever seen, and the best part is it's completely made up. Four performers (the regulars are Colin, Wayne Brady, and Ryan Stiles) play silly games in which they are given suggestions by the audience and cards they've never seen before. They then must make up scenes based on those suggestions, all on the spot. These guys are brilliant; they are the best improvers out there. No show makes me laugh as hard as Whose Line.
Sadly, it was cancelled back in 2005 and reruns only ran until 2007. It's been off the air for almost 6 years, so that's why it's so exciting that they're going to resurrect it. It was such a memorable part of my childhood and my college years. Looking back, I find it amusing that I enjoyed it so much at a young age. Most of the jokes that were made were sexual, and I obviously didn't understand them when I was younger. Nevertheless, I specifically remember getting excited when a rerun came on late at night.
Now that I'm older, I've seen every single episode. And now that I get the jokes, I enjoy the show even more. I'm really excited for the resurrection and I hope it's as good as the original. It helps that Wayne, Ryan, and Colin have all agreed to come back for the show. I don't know what I'd do if the show didn't include one of the original guys. It would just feel wrong.
Anyway, pardon the fangirling that just occurred. People in real life would totally judge if I reacted this way, so instead I truly reveal the extent to which I freaked out over a TV show on the internet. The internet understands me.
Going to go "study" now. Keep it real, ladies and gents.
This past week has been the shit. And I mean the good kind of shit. Muse was AMAZING. Seriously, one of the best concerts I've ever seen in my life. It's gonna take a lot to top their performance. Not only are they amazing musicians, but their show is an absolute spectacle. The lights and set fit the songs perfectly; you could tell that a lot of thought was put into this show and that they tried to add as much to the music as possible. And boy, did it work. It also helped that they played all my favorite old songs. When I heard the first chords of "Knights of Cydonia," I melted into a puddle on the floor. I could also totally see Matt Bellamy's face the WHOLE TIME since I was sitting close enough to the stage, and I died pretty much every time he sang falsetto or began wailing on his guitar. Oh my god.
Anyway, since I'm already not studying, I have some exciting news. Are you sitting down? Do you have a paper bag in case of hyperventilation? Okay. So the day after I saw Muse, one of my favorite comedians, a hilarious Canuk by the name of Colin Mochrie, tweeted something that almost sent the world spinning off it's axis.
WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY IS COMING BACK. I REPEAT, ONE OF THE GEATEST SHOWS OF ALL TIME IS COMING BACK.
In case you weren't alive in the 90's or have no idea what I'm talking about, go on Youtube and look up an episode. I promise you won't be disappointed. It's probably one of the funniest shows I've ever seen, and the best part is it's completely made up. Four performers (the regulars are Colin, Wayne Brady, and Ryan Stiles) play silly games in which they are given suggestions by the audience and cards they've never seen before. They then must make up scenes based on those suggestions, all on the spot. These guys are brilliant; they are the best improvers out there. No show makes me laugh as hard as Whose Line.
Sadly, it was cancelled back in 2005 and reruns only ran until 2007. It's been off the air for almost 6 years, so that's why it's so exciting that they're going to resurrect it. It was such a memorable part of my childhood and my college years. Looking back, I find it amusing that I enjoyed it so much at a young age. Most of the jokes that were made were sexual, and I obviously didn't understand them when I was younger. Nevertheless, I specifically remember getting excited when a rerun came on late at night.
Now that I'm older, I've seen every single episode. And now that I get the jokes, I enjoy the show even more. I'm really excited for the resurrection and I hope it's as good as the original. It helps that Wayne, Ryan, and Colin have all agreed to come back for the show. I don't know what I'd do if the show didn't include one of the original guys. It would just feel wrong.
Anyway, pardon the fangirling that just occurred. People in real life would totally judge if I reacted this way, so instead I truly reveal the extent to which I freaked out over a TV show on the internet. The internet understands me.
Going to go "study" now. Keep it real, ladies and gents.
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